Next time you go to an airport, I want you to notice something. It's something so twistedly evil that few people notice it, or if they do it scares them so deeply they unknowingly block it out and go on their merry way. You know what this fell situation is?
You think I'm kidding? Look for it! At Tampa International there are gates A,C,D, etc, but no B! Ok, now get on the plane. What's your seat? A13? Ok, fine. Move on down to aisle 13. Now look at the seat letters. A and C on the left facing forward, D E and F on the right. Yup. You got it. NO B! When my friend Gurn and I were first puzzling over this bizzare arrangement we took the liberty of wasting a busy stewardess's (fuck you politically correct assholes! She was a fuckin' stewardess!) time to inquire why this was. She explained that the aisle where the flight attendants (her words, not mine) walked to deliver our food and whatnot was row B. Well, that's a nice piece of shit!! Why isn't it labelled as such?
What's it doing there? Last I checked the alphabet doesn't go ACBDEF!! She's in on it, too! In fact ALL flight-related employees are a part of the evil plan to eliminate the letter B from our speech! Think about it! None of these words have the letter "B" in them!:
That's RIGHT! It's all a big NAZI conpiracy! It's the damn NAZIS! They're gonna DESTROY us with the dread B conspiracy UNLESS WE TAKE ACTION NOW!! When ever you go to an airport use as many B wordds as you can! Don't collect your "Luggage", collect your "Baggage"! If enough people do this they won't be able to take us all out and eventually they'll give up and try something else.
Here's something many of you may not know about: A long time ago, all marriages were Perfect. Couples got along wonderfully, there were no newlywed spats, all of the guy's friends were proud and happy for him, no one was "Whipped", the Man did as She asked because of his overpowering love for her, sex was GREAT, people got along perfectly with thier mother-in-laws, and the homefront was the very model of peaceful, loving tranquility.
Once the advent of stand-up comedy came into play, they started making marriage jokes. These jokes got into people's heads and sowed the seeds of disharmony. You see, all stand-up comics are actually, cruel, vindictive, bitter people who got stood up in high school and so they set out to destroy everyone elses happiness.(Or aliens, but I digress...) Have you ever seen a stand up comic who didn't make some variety of "my-wifes-mother" or "my-best-friend-got-married-and-she-runs-him-now" joke? I think not. Any marital strife that exists today is all their fault. The same goes for the government. It used to be run by good-natured, concerned, hard-working fellows who wanted only what was best for the whole country and not their own wallets untill the Comics came. Everyone respected black people, the economy made perect sense, and the men were kind, sensitive people who loved foreplay. Unfortunately, it's too late to return to these golden days, but killing a few of the fuckers will probably make you feel better.
Now, I'm not going to be like most people and harp on all the the things communists are responsible for, (even though they might be helping the Nazi's with that whole B thing. No B's in "Communist"...), we allready know about those. The big thing seems to be know Who The Commies ARE. So we here at Xupa!'s Mystical HEAD!! thought we'd offer this handy guide!
And I know you can think of many more. Also, rampant abuse of the color red can also count, as in the cases of: