WARNING:

This is a sick, sick, sick fucking world. Have any of you ever eaten Cinnamon Toast Crunch? Maybe you even have a box in your pantry or larder or what-have-you. I would like you to go know and fetch it. If you have not a package of your own, use your no doubt vivid imagination, or click right here. Now, locate the ingredients. Read carefully. A certain ingredient may catch your eye. Perhaps that one that reads "Caramel and Annatto Extract". (Perhaps becuase of the header of this webpage) Now, the caramel is fairly self-explanitory, but you may be askinging youself, "Xupa!, (Which is an odd thing to be asking yourself...), what in Tanj is an Annatto?" "Ye Gods!" you may exclaim at this point, "It's not one of those gut-wrenchingly cute little critters like the ones posted all over this here webpage, could it? Say it ain't so!" Well, my friend,

"Now wait a minute," you may say, "What is the Annatto 'extract'??"

This is where it starts getting sick. I'm sure many of you may be vegetarians, if not you probably know one or two, so therefore you've no doubt heard the tear-jerking horror stories about chickens hung plucked and living from conveyor racks, and the pigs being kept 3 to a cage in cramped quarters as they're prepared for the slaughter, and yes, even the damned crying elephants. Well this is NOTHING compared to the sick, twisted inhumanities that go on in the Cinnamon Toast Crunch factory. (Which is a nice way of saying "DEATH-HOUSE".)
But first, a little background information. Annattos are small furry mammals about 5 inches in length on average, and about 3 inches tall. They are covered with an impossibly soft coat of short brown hair which ranges in color from a darkish to a lightish brown. Their legs aren't really legs, but more sort of soft round nubs. They have a small, stubby tail and big, winsome eyes. They have round ears and the cutest little button noses you've ever seen. They have no sexual organs, and reproduce by rubbing their MultiOrfices together, which are located under their tails like an anus and are responsible for all external bodily processes. Their mouths and noses actually serve no functional purpose at all and are merely there to give them their cuteness, which has been honed for eons as the ultimate defense mechanism. They live in trees, and are easily distingushed by their soft, mournful cry of "Oo! Oo!" When Annatto know they are close to death, they rear up on their hind stubs, flail their front nubs and warblingly cry "oOoO! oOoO!" (Isn't that CUTE?!?!)
Now, you may be saying, "so where does this extract and the death and the nasty all come in??" Well,chill! I'm getting to that. Deep witihin the bowels of the Cinnamon Toast Crunch factory, in the western wing, dispicable cruelties go on AS WE SPEAK. There, there is a room full of cardboard boxes which have jagged metal caged tops. Locked within the harsh confines of these stacked boxes squirm and writhe thousands of annatto, all "oo"ing thier cute little hearts out. The only door in is sealed and guarded by 2 armed men with machine guns and earmuffs to protect them from the hypnotically adorable OOing of the captive Annatti. A mechanical arm comes by and grabs the annattos by their nubs (Occasionally dropping one or two on the hard concrete, which snaps their cute little spines and they slowly die, causelessly.) through a trap door where they are moved along assembly-line style to a big Belgian woman (named "Kukkukkkhkk") who stabs them with a rusty, bent needle and Extracts. When the needle plunges into thier soft flesh, they let out their final death warble, but the Belgian woman takes no notice. She is 420 pounds of heartless cruelty, and she's the only person (?) alive who is capable of such evil. (And because of this, rakes in 42 bucks an hour!) After being Extracted from, the arms drop the dying annatto in a pile of bloody dead and dying annatto and they slowly come to thier OOing demise. And they cry.


So how can you sit there, at your computer, POSSIBLY WITH A BOX OF CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH IN YOUR KITCHEN, at feel at peace with the world around you knowing such HORRID horridness is running unchecked? If you can sit comfortably with this knowledge, then you will toast in the eternal fires of damnation. However, if decency exists in your soul, and you feel the need the help these helpless, CUTE creatures, please, send me as much of your money you can posssibly send me and I promise I will use it to make sure this unholy slaughter does not go on. And please spread the word to the rest off the world, and urge them to contribute to this most worthy and noble cause. If you can't come through with a monetary donation, then I urge you to spread the word, and write to your congressmen and legislaters and PETA and other potentially helpful organizations and try to get his problem taken care of. Any help at all is needed and appreciated. Or you could even write to General Mills and protest their vile sickness. We must do everything we can to put an end to this. GET UP! STAND UP! YELL! Thank you.

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